Poker is going well this week....

So far this week poker is going well....somewhere around 5 PTBB/100....

And...cleared the Bonus I purchased with FPPs....

Ironically when I reign in the aggression (getting on the loose aggressive side)....My win rate suffers

I dont think its from the extra aggression so much, or playing junkier hands....the only time I feel it really affects my game...is when I stop thinking...and insta-shove or insta-raise "thinking" I can bet them off the nuts (or a hand that they will not fold...either because they are a calling station and call with a 3rd pair to a shove....or they have a royal flush (not really, but ya know what I mean...Top set isnt gonna fold on a raggy board).

Starting last week and continue to today...the amount of times I;ve done it is EXTREMELY small....the only hand I think came close was a hand where I Check raised all in with an over pair on a slighty scary board......it was a pretty big push...so it was the size relative to the strength of my hand/board that I questioned. I wasnt "good"...but it wasnt horrible either.
LOL....but no T4os turn shoves, after Leatherass9 calls the flop bet, and a blank turn (I still like the aggression...but with the blank coming I still cant get over me firing again....what did I think he had? Only thing he is calling with was a Set, 2 pair or Air/float/steal....LOL...cant wait till I get called a retard on the video. Overall though...I havent made stupid aggressive errors.

As far as Passive errors...several tables got run over a bit....some of it due to cards...but some of it from folding to the pure aggression....lol...but it better that when I "feel" I have a read that they are trying to run over me.....I raise/3bet....they smooth call with AA or KK and I dump more money too them on the flop :-(

The thing that for now that works for me is being selectively aggressive......Everywhere I read and watch Vids at Stoxpoker, they say a loose aggressive pound them till they puke style will result in the best win-rate.....Well...I dunno what villians others are playing against....but I go into a 20k downswing when I try to pound the passive players....ya know...they call ya on the flop with nothing...and hit the straight when ya shut down cause you're convinced they have something...or when ya got an overpair, they hit 2 pair on a ragged flop (94s comes to mind....you know...the 48/11 who will cold call with any 2 soooooooooooted because thats what he did in limit)

I just get in this mode that I feel I have reads that arent there.....I start calling when most of the time I shouldnt call against villians....basically trying to pick to much stuff off....

Example:

I've got 2 pair on the turn and position....the villian is aggressive....likes to bluff alot.....multi-street too ...he will have a hand 1 out of 4 at most....and 2 pair is ahead near always....but...he's smart enough to fold to resistance, and will shut down if he doesnt have ya.

Essentially....he never shuts down when he is behind.....and always shuts down if ya raise....basically this guy...let him bet bet bet....he's at best 8% on the turn, even if he does suck out...the extra river bets 6 times out of 10 that ya never get by raising the turn is EV+++++++
(super reads....like I am in the zone against certain types of villians)

BUT....then I will take the same line on guys with similar but tighter numbers...guys who dont fire the 2nd barrel or 3rd....and I have a super read that they dont....but I am just on auto-pilot and become a calling station against these guys with TP3K, and they turn over whatever that owns me.....I know I am behind...I know that the best line is to raise the flop or turn and define his hand based upon my read...but I dont. complete Spew.

Funny thing is...90% of the time playing solid poker...that 10% I am donating to guys who should never get my money.

And it is the main source of every downswing......Yeah, my game can be alot better....but its stupid how I forget the most basic stuff and spew money.

Leatherass9 was going on in the forums how he exposed alot of his game in a recent Video....actually saying in his blog that it revealed stuff others never would....
I watched the video...and yeah...alot of the plays he made, were plays that required ya to think and analyze a situation well....
But....

Well...it just makes me frustrated...Throughout the whole video I was like "well....Duh...of course he gonna fold there....or Duh...I raise in that type of spot all the time except against XXX villians"

The Video frustrated me more than anything....because all this info he was providing....well...its things that I see and do all the time....read the situations like an open book....hell alot of my winrate is because of that.

But...I watch Ed Miller's Poker Made simple vids...yeah...80% of the basics...I have down cold...but some of the most "basic stuff" (or at least what I feel should be basic)...I can watch those test vids, and miss have the questions (ones that are similar)...I can rewatch it 5 times...and still miss the question...AND still not play a situation optimally.

Part of me feels and plays like a genius...and the other part can't believe after all this time I dont understand things that SHOULD be so simple.....

I wish I was more social....I wish I wasnt so much inside of a shell...If there is a leak in my game...thats it...Its like getting a college degree, without the proffessors....

Would a coach help? Hell yeah....I am very smart, and when I do get feedback from my questions (even if they cant understand how I think about it)....even if they dont say the right things...I just can extract the info I need to clarrify it.....
BUT...If I was just more open...

My life has sucked...been screwed by the people closest to me....I know its silly to isolate myself..because I do enjoy being around people, just not concetrating ABOUT me...lol...since I am running millions of scenerios through my head about every possible situation....

Ramble Ramble....Sometimes I go back and edit the hell out of a post...but 90% of the time...LOL...I dont even check for Typos....I dont even read what I wrote 90% of the time....because I would probably stop....because its probably jumbled and makes no sense because its more.....well...its just the moment....which is very hard for me lately....so its kinda therapy...lol....I analyze so much now...I even question basic situation....Like I was at the Sonics game....I bought 2 20oz diet pepsi's (actually got 2 caps that both won free soda)...as I was walking away, putting my the season ticket food/drink vouchers in my pocket (OH, lol...what a deal this year....spent $800 on the two seats...they give me $300 in Food vouchers for free food...plus the other free stuff that I ended up just selling...just that alone I almost break even)

Back to the story.....I drop one of the bottles...I crouch down to pick it up...I am way out of the way of people walking....but I notice every persons looks...what direction they are looking...why...how..and have a good idea what they are thinking/feeling etc etc...not just the person closest...but I scope out every one who "could have" seen me drop the soda....and wonder what I am doing in the mini-totebag I have for the Nick Collison Bobbleheads that they gave awya pregame (also put the soda I dropped in the bag).......its kinda sad....lol...makes me want to cry actually. Not because I care that much if I looked like a dork (well okay...a little)...but instead of being able to be my silly self...and make some funny joke/reference that the soda I dropped is "for them"....I actually thought "If someone was with me, I could make that joke".......

The poker post is turning into the blabbering idiot post...I just feel so lonely.....lol....the only time people have EVER wanted to be around me is if I was supporting them and working my ass off so they would be with me.....or because they were inbetween "better" and more "enjoyable" friends.....

I analyze others well, and how they interact with each other....I see the things happen before they do....but I suck when it comes to me....I feel I am so socially inept.....I am such a nice guy....I really am....hell...you can ask anyone who I let fuck me over...LOL....I spend my attention enjoying and trying to be enjoyable to others and just being myself....when I do....its like the blinders are put on.....I mean...the best way for people to like ya, is just to not worry and just be yourself right? But I cant even put myself in the situation any more because I am just so damn scared....I mean....I let people know me...I think the friendship or relationships are going well mutually...I mean...geezus...just once...I'd like someone who would just tell me the damn truth.


I'm not making any sense...and who the frick cares? No one does....the closest thing I have to someone or something caring about me is.....well....my parents...but they have each other, and they dont need me to be around....I mean...I know they love me with all their heart...but I feel like I am such a dissapointment in my life....I just dont want the only two people in the world who dont think I am a failure to think so......they have been so good to me....I love them so much...I wish I could really show they how I feel...but I cant.....which just makes me cry more.

I am so pathetic.....I am really an incredible person inside, but it just doesnt really matter

LOL...the ironic thing is....I will still cry my ass off for the next 3 months...I will still feel the same way as I do...I will still wish for the world....blah blah blah....

And no one will know.....because in an hour or two...I put on the front that everything is fine, no matter how it really is....because I dont want to be a burden on others...I only want to benefit others....because the truth is...no one wants to be around ya, unless you're providing something for them....and as soon as it becomes "standard"....well...no matter what "level" of wonderfulness it is to be around ya....well...when ya raise the bar even to elite heights....well...people toss ya aside because ya cant provide the "next level"

See....even when I write....I do the same thing....try to write crap that ya need a translator for, just to keep....LOL...anyone who would read this...at a distance.

It is pathetic to say that I am a wonderful person....but I am...I wish I could be more of the type of person that can just screw someone over...I'd probably have more so called friends...lol...maybe thats why I want to succeed in poker so much....besides if I can make Alot of money (its a game of people and money)...its the only time I can feel "okay" with essentially screwing another person out of something......sure...win it fair and square...but its satisfying...lol..with my desire to screw over every person who hasnt had my personal values and bent me over...lol....

One of these day I really need to just write a weeks worth of posts about the last 25 years....lol...people would think "DAMN, and you havent shot yourself yet?"...its not like anyone ever reads these damn things....I mean...I pretend that "its all out there for the world to see"....when in reality...any hits to the page...its...read the title...browse 20 words in the 1st 3 paragraphs...then surf to the next blog, site, pic...lol...maybe if I made Youtube video blogs then someone might pay attention....but the truth is...by the time I ever get around to doing that...well....then there will be something else that attracts people to pay attention (I mean...blogs now are a dime a dozen, if ya dont have video...you're just writing to yourself (LOL...aint that the truth though...I am pretending....I mean...I would feel like a dork if anyone I actualy knew read this....I mean...no one understand anyways...so instead of feeling like I was sharing to be closer.....whatever...back to what I think I was trying to say in my ramble.)
Oh yeah...I will always be behind the times when it comes to the "modern" way of social communications....I know and understand people better than most....but when it comes to applying ti to myself...lol...I suck....and am always tryingto filter the "bad" of people not to affect me...but the result is...lol...we wont talk about that....basically...communicationwise...I will alays be holding myself back...not because that I dont understand....but because I am afraid....afraid I will get screwed again by someone I feel close to....and to be frank...I have had as much as I can take....

Okay....I am not making anysense...well....I dont know if I am or not....I cant bring myself to try to read everything I wrote (LOL...I would spend the next 5 hours trying to edit it)

I will probably make another simple post...just to drop this post down a notch...so less chance of anyone reading it (I mean...very little chance of someone reading it, once it gets archived)....see...even when I proclaim that I really need and want good friends...I try to stop it from happening from the fear of past results.....I wish socializing with others was like poker....poker treats me well overall when I play well...when I do something stupid....generally ya get crapped on...which is the way it should be....you'll get sucked out on...but...if you consistantly do the right things....in the end the results will be good over all....lol...but people arent that way.

Okay...enough....lol...maybe its the stress of the Erik Bedard deal on permanent hold...LOL...thats funny...because it has nothing to do with how I feel...though it is funny, how the best years in my live correspond with the good years of the Mariners (oddly enough, when the team is doing good...my life is going good....thats one reason why I am concered about the MAriners...my life is below average...probably less....the mariners "think" they are becoming a playoff team...but I havent felt it yet....lol...which means my life is gonna go down the crapper....lol....I will have to make a post about the timeline of the Mariners and the good and bad of my life....lol....frigging crazy...the Mariners trigger the best years of my life...and significant turnarounds and downfalls...its just crazy.

Okay...going

Craig